Lost and Found

Whilst searching for something this morning, I found some old photos of Isi. These are photos of Isi as a little baby which I thought had been lost when we moved to France after she was born.

I really don't know what I feel. Happy, I think, that I have more photos, but also so shocked because I wasn't expecting them. And saddened too by looking at her little face, so tiny and helpless and yet so full of possibilities now denied.

But it did make me think. Isi battled with her brain tumour for most of her short, short life, and as a consequence, most of my memories are of her with the tumour. It had such an impact on her life - the times spent in hospital, her loss of sight, the special school, her smaller than average size - I feel I could go on forever with the list of its effects. And yet there was a time before her tumour was diagnosed when she was just a normal little baby girl. So very special to us of course, but just another baby as far as the rest of the world was concerned.

So here are just three of the formerly lost, but now found photos.

The first is of me and Isi just cuddling. We used to do that a lot, and I would sit and just watch her, feeling her warm body and inhaling that fresh baby smell. Even as she got older, she would still love to take her afternoon nap on me. There is some damage to the photo but until I get reprints or get busy with Photoshop it will do.

The second picture is Isi lying on her sister Rachael. This picture made me smile - the expression on Isi's face seems to say "oi, that's mine"! There is (was?) just under two years age difference between Rachael and Isi, so they were always closer than Isi and her eldest sister, Alex, who is six years older.

And this one, you can see her looking around with interest and curiosity and it made me remember that once she was able to see (she lost her sight by 18 months old).

Finding these photos brings back memories of when everything was possible, before the tumour took it all away.

So much has been lost.