My princess

The thoughts I am having at the moment about Isi are some of the hardest to deal with. It's the guilt for all the things I did (or didn't do) that I should have, and the associated regrets. I know it's pointless because you can't go back, but it doesn't stop the dark thoughts coming.

The things that trigger it are the everyday, hard to escape from things. The Disneyland advert that reminds me how much Isi loved the idea of Disney princesses and wanted to go to Disneyland. We promised her we would go after she recovered from her second brain surgery but she never did and now I think, why didn't we just go before her operation. Stupid, stupid, stupid us. We wanted to give her something to look forward to afterwards, another reason to get better, but now it's too late.

In my better moments I think that perhaps she'd have hated the noise, the crowds, the waiting in line, and all the walking about, and maybe it was for the best. More of the time though I think she may have enjoyed it and she would have got to meet her princesses and now that opportunity is lost forever.

Still, she was always my princess, and she outshone all the Disney ones put together.

So here is my princess with her favourite 'crown'! Yes, I know it's a bag but she saw it as her crown and that's what matters!