Too long

I haven't written on here for far too long. I find it painful to do because it reminds me how much I miss Isi. Also, most of my thoughts are the bad ones - cutting a lock of her hair to keep when she was in the mortuary, her telling me she was scared on the morning of the operation and me saying (lying) that it would be alright, memories of her funeral when I left after the service only to go straight back into the room after everyone else had left to find that they had already taken her coffin away. There are worse ones too, but you get the idea.

For the last few weeks I have been trying to busy myself with just about anything else (even housework!) and trying to push thoughts of Isi away. I know how horrible that sounds, like I don't care or I've forgotten. And I haven't forgotten - how could I? - but the nothingness of not actively remembering was, I thought, better. I was so wrong.  Isi deserves to be remembered.

So here are just some rambling incoherent musings that focus on her life rather than her death. One of her 'things' was dressing up, so ...

With rings on my fingers 

Isi loved rings and jewellery in general. She would find a favourite thing and insist on wearing it day and night. Thankfully her school indulged her, even though children weren't supposed to wear jewellery to school.

Sadly only eight rings in this little cheapie packet of plastic rings but she seems happy enough with the effect.

And shoes on my toes!


And the adornment didn't stop at rings - oh no. Shoes were another favourite. Because she had a problem with her feet she had these hugely expensive handmade orthopedic books that she wore most of the time, and she put up with them. But her real love was normal shoes. And not just to fit her - any old shoes would do.

Rachael's boots are good, but are Alex's better?

No, definitely Rachael's!

Socks


Well you've already seen the socks!

Scarves


This is a scarf that one of the chemo nurses knitted for Isi - very tactile and she loved it. You can see she had lost some of her hair from the chemo - honest, it wasn't just a bad mum cut!

And finally, a great big smile, whatever the occasion!

I may not always show it well, but I love you so much Isi.