No pictures this time, just my thoughts.
I am so angry right now and about so many things. About the health visitor who told me the reason Isi was losing weight when she was a baby was my fault and I (and I quote) needed to feed her properly (I was by the way). About the opthamologist who we were referred to when, at 5 weeks old, we noticed that Isi had nystagmus who told us over several visits it was nothing to worry about and Isi might just need glasses and sit near the front of the class when she went to school. That's it, no investigation as to why (and I have since found out that nystagmus should always, ALWAYS be investigated as one of the main causes is - guess what - a brain tumour). The oncologist who said that Isi's tumour was benign and treatable and there was no reason why she shouldn't live a reasonable lifespan.
But mostly, I'm angry at me because I let her die. I listened to people who I thought know better, I took their word on trust and believed them, and I didn't fight. A mother's love should be fierce and protective and mine wasn't. I let Isi down. I hate myself.
